too common

Back in the day, like back when I worked at Hops (the first time), papa would come in sometimes.  One night he got into a conversation with one of my co-workers.  They started arguing about something, politics, probably, and papa would say something and my friend would say something that wasn’t a response to what he’d just said.  Finally, papa got fed up and said, “we don’t have enough common vocabulary to have this conversation.”  That was the first time I had ever heard the phrase, and I don’t think I appreciated what it meant at the time.

Being sisters, and having spent so much time with each other, we have a very common vocabulary.  We understand all the added meaning behind a word because of the history and feelings we have attached.  For example, if a person I don’t know very well said, “you’re dumb” I would take offense. But if I say it to you guys, you know I don’t really mean you are dumb and I would go so far as to say it is a term of endearment.

Actually, I think we can trace the etymology of many of the common words and phrases we use.  For example, my friend Rachel in high school was the first person I ever heard say “Just Kidding” after saying or doing something incorrect.  I still use that term today, ten years later.  People who don’t have a common vocabulary with me often go, “you weren’t kidding” and I want to say “duh.”  The term “shocker,” to convey sarcastic surprise, came from one of Rachel’s high school friends.  Like, when I finally post this blog, the first thing Karla is going to comment is: Shocker!

The first time I ever realized that words had a dictionary definition with an added personal meaning was when I read The Unbearable Lightness of Being.  That book has a whole passage about what different words mean for different characters.  I think that the point is that you can’t really understand somebody and what they are saying to you if you do not understand all their experiences with the words.  I cannot remember specific examples, but I do know there were words like “darkness.” Some people do not like the word darkness because to them it means reminds them of scary times and of being alone.  However, someone else may find comfort in the word because to them the darkness is more calming then the light.

This brings me to the vocabulary we have with other people.  Some people have very good universal vocabulary.  They can have perfectly normal, easily understood conversations with any and everybody.  However, others, like me and Rachel (we previously agreed we belonged in the category).  Have a specific vocabulary.  I believe this is because the words we use have more personal meaning behind them then the words people with good universal vocabulary use.  Sometimes when I first meant people it seems like they only understand half of what I am really saying.  But they more they get to know me, the more they…well, get me

This just makes me feel very sorry for people who are around us when we are together (and we are all getting along.)  It’s bad enough when there are just two of us.  Often, papa can’t even keep up.  But when there are three of us, FORGET ABOUT IT.  We often finish each other’s sentences, or say things that only make sense to us or just flat out say the exact same thing at the exact same time.  Like yesterday when Rachel and I went out to eat.  I as debating if I should leave the $25 even though it was a ridiculously good tip, or if I should make him make change to get 2 or 3 dollars back.  There are so many things we could have said to convey the same thought, but at the same time we said, “And it would make his fucking day.” When we would go on vacation together, it started to surprise me how much we would take over places, like relatives’ (who we liked) houses.  I kinda can’t believe that they liked us and liked being around us.  I can imagine how obnoxious we must be.

All I have to say is, I’m sorry, to anyone who’s not us.

– Alexis

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